There’s No Way Through But Through: Getting Through Hard Times

Quite often, getting through hard times can be paralyzing.

It’s paralyzing because none of the options seem good or helpful, they don’t seem like the right choice.

How do you choose what to do or where to go or how to handle something when it feels like a lose/lose situation?

How do you go through hard times when it’s complicated and messy and unclear where to put your next step?

Recently, I wrote about my not-in-a-million-years moment. It was absolutely a time that I wasn’t sure how to get through.

I’ve now had people ask, “How did you get through? What helped you through hard times? How did you know what to do?”

Then, a bigger question, what would you say to your younger self?

What would you say to a woman in your shoes right now?

1} Find the courage to ask for help. You aren’t alone. Someone has walked the road you’re on. Someone can help you, listen, hold the story, and navigate next steps. Allow someone to step into it with you. Build your healing team. Remember, it’s ok to feel emotional, not know where to start, feel like there aren’t any good answers, and feel unsure what might be next. Ask for help.

2} Be brave enough to find resources. Crack open books about what you think might be happening in your situation. It will be incredibly scary. Googling or searching youtube for hard topics feels disloyal and impossible. Sadly, you probably know what you’ll find and know you might not like the answers or the options. But, searching for resources, finding the right support, and starting to learn what you need to know to face your story in an imperative step. You have to have the right resources to get through.

You need the right support for what you’re facing, to get through your hard time.

3} Count the cost. There is a cost. And, it can be extremely costly to get through the kind of hard times that keep you paralyzed, that don’t seem to have a good or right way to go. Getting specialized care and support has a financial cost. There is an emotional cost to diving head first into your story and planning the next right thing to do. You’ll need extra rest and sleep. You’ll need safety and time. There is a relational cost to healing because you change and grow which causes change in relationships that won’t grow too. You’ll upset people and you might lose people. You’ll have uncomfortable answers for uncomfortable questions. You’ll be misunderstood and mischaracterized.

Healing is costly, but so worth it.

Invite others into the process but if they choose their own way, that’s ok too.

Keep doing the next right thing.

4} Watch for the subtle signs of strength and healing. Slowly, as you do the work, the quiet and soft work as I call it in coaching, you will start to see subtle signs of healing. Your boundaries will get stronger, your ability to recognize unhealthy or toxic behavior will grow, your need to please people or make it ok for everyone or make yourself small so someone else can stay big—those things will change and you’ll notice new thinking pathways and new answers coming out of your mouth. You’ll feel a sense of rest and rightness in your body and nervous system. You’ll sense peace in your soul.

That first time you uphold a boundary or do something different, the encouragement of growth bursts through your whole heart.

5} Keep doing your work. It will feel like climbing a mountain and then, you’ll get to the top and realize that there’s a whole mountain range of work in front of you. Just keep going, one lesson, one step at a time. Another way to look at it is layers of an onion. You peel one layer only to find another one beneath it. Keep peeling the layers. However long it took for you to get where you are, it might take just as long or longer to heal from trauma, habits, stories, life, and processes that haven’t been serving you, nor have they been God’s best for you. It can take weeks and months of quiet, soft work to continue the healing in your heart, soul, mind and body.

Slowly, it will happen. You’ll find yourself noticing growth. You’ll make new choices and discover new ways of living life and fresh ways of interacting with others and discover that the processes are different as you navigate your life with skills, tools, and ways that were not there before.

You’ll rebuild trust between your brain and your body.

You’ll get through hard times by reconnecting your heart and soul, body and strength.

With God’s help, you’ll heal from circumstances, forgive the harm, own your own stuff, and move forward with his helpful hand as your guide.

There truly is no way through this process but actually going through it.

Trust the process.

Trust your healing team.

Trust God’s best.

Look for moments of quiet, slow, inner healing work.

As you heal, your healing team might change. Maybe you only need support every other week instead of every week. Maybe you notice that another counselor with a different focus might be helpful. Maybe you find that your reading is changing to new topics of healing. You need a new journal for a new season. Make the changes while continuing your own work.

Stay in the process to get through hard times.

Where are you in your healing process?

Does it feel like there’s no way through what you see ahead?