Reasons to Get into the Messy
“I don’t know what I thought coaching would be. I just know that it’s messy and feels scattered and I don’t know if I’m making progress.”
Exactly.
I loved this observation from a client because coaching should be a little messy. It can feel scattered.
Oh, traditional views of coaching might not agree with me. Coaches love their SMART goals, good questions, easy session outline, and checking growth and progress off the list. 50 minutes and you’re done!
Not this coach.
I’m learning with the more I get into coaching, that the messy, complicated, scattered, and disorganized spilling of stories and processing real life is not really doable in a pretty, set format.
I’ve been in coaching where I could easily stay on the surface, answer the questions, check things off my list, feel like I’ve grown, and then, moved on with life.
But in those cases, the move on with life brings with it all the hurt, bad habits, unfulfilling heart goals, and unproductive thought patterns that I had before the coaching.
This is where the line between coaching and counseling can get a little blurry. I walk this line carefully and recommend counselors when needed.
But as an ordained minister myself, I do lean into the pastoral counseling side of things at times, when applicable.
I love 1-1 discipleship, personal growth, and following God’s leading during sessions as the Holy Spirit plows unplowed ground {Hosea 10:12 NIV} in someone’s life.
The weaving of counseling and coaching and trauma work and internal family systems and journaling and processing can be so, so healthy!
Build that healing team. I’d love to be a part of it.
In coaching, I find that digging into the messy things of real life can be incredibly productive towards the goals, hopes, and dreams of the person coming to coaching.
We won’t be deep-diving into past trauma or harm or childhood wounds as you would in a counseling session. But, we can dive into what is happening right now!
What is running in the background of your life?
What is the undercurrent, the why, the real reasons you’re feeling stuck?
What relationships and situations are holding you in hurt, harm, and destructive patterns?
What is underneath the desire for coaching?
What is so messy that it’s keeping you in chaos, frustration, confusion, and stuck-ness?
THAT’S what I want to get into with coaching.
Spill the story. Every single page of it. Even the complicated things.
Then, when it’s on the table {or in the journal} in front of you, you can figure out what to do about it.
If you don’t, you’ll keep carrying that story with you, under the surface, and it will keep you from really moving forward in personal growth.
For me, not spilling the story kept me IN the story.
Not telling anyone what was going on under the surface held me hostage to a story that wasn’t true.
Holding all the details in made it very challenging to heal what was really hurting.
It wasn’t until I found a counselor, a coach, resources, information, labels, and finally dove head first into the messy that God could start working in my life to heal what was so broken, to bring life to what was dying in me.
For someone who is in ministry or missionary work, for someone who is in a destructive marriage or other complicated situation, finding someone who is safe to share the story with can be difficult.
You need someone who can look at the story with you, plan next steps, figure out what’s going on, and help you find the resources you need to process, work it out, and start healing what is broken.
A coach can help with that whole journey.
Get into the messy things. Don’t hold it in or stuff it down or pretend it isn’t there.
Because if you do, you’ll stay stuck in the messy and that’s a really lonely place to be.
If you’re ready to spill what’s running in the undercurrent of your life or what is going on beneath the surface of your everyday, let’s talk.
Let’s get messy together.