Answering Hard Questions

I have been struggling with some hard questions.

Questions for myself and questions from other people.

Hard questions that have complicated, difficult answers.

Not only are the questions complicated and difficult, but they’re hard to explain with extended answers that aren’t really for everyone.

Even the easy questions… things like, “What do you do?” or “Where are you living now?” are not really easy.

Whether it’s online friends asking something through instagram or in-real-life friends checking in, these questions are hard to answer, hard to know what to say, how much to say, when to say it and if I should say it.

Even though I love the connections and touch points and check-ins, I get worried about responses and thoughts and judgements.

I wonder if they even want to know the real answers. The real answers are long, heavy, hard, emotional and deep. The real answers take time.

I’ve always shared my heart through my writing and sharing posts online. That’s a beautiful, wonderful thing. I love these online spaces.

But what happens when the sharing gets hard?

Do I disappear from these spaces?

Do I opt out of conversations and new friendships and networking to build a business?

Do I air all the laundry to people I don’t know? Do I let everyone in on everything? Do they even need the full story of what happens behind the scenes?

Oh, I’ve wrestled with these questions for so long!

I did take an extended social media break. I’ve taken a very long break from writing.

I’m slowly jumping back in… but jumping back in different.

Different content, focus and purpose.

Less of my girls to protect their privacy and honor their launch into adulthood. Less of other relationships or friendships. Less.

Which leaves me, Jenilee.

And, a lot of questions from others.

I’ve always felt like the boring one. It’s much more interesting to just share everyone else. I love telling all the stories and sharing all the things.

But unlike the mommy blogging days of long ago, the whole landscape of social media has changed. My family has grown up and changed. I don’t need or want to share their lives as I have before.

Now, this space is mine and I only have my story that is mine to tell.

How do I share all of myself, network, build a coaching business, navigate transition, make changes, stay healthy and still work in online lanes?

How do I bravely move through all the questions that come my way?

Part of why I’m loving coaching is because in the struggle of these questions over the past 5 years, I’ve had amazing… AH-MAZING… coaches and counselors speaking into my life, asking the hard questions in a safe space that I could answer 100% fully and honestly.

I’ve built a healing team around me and I love them all.

I love that time has passed, healing is happening, and I get to be that space for other people with similar stories to mine.

I love that I have new tools, certifications, and experiences that give me the ability to ask the hard questions for others.

But, I still have to face the day-to-day hard questions that people have for me.

I’m learning how and when to address the changes people have seen online, in my stories and videos. I’m figuring out how to navigate the undertow of wonderings from long-time, online friends. I’m taking the time to meet 1-1 with close friends and family so that there is time to really talk.

I’m learning to let go of people who judge, don’t understand or make unhealthy, critical statements.

I’m remembering my audience of ONE.

Yet, it still boils down to the hard questions.

Recently, while on a trip, I was getting frustrated with the questions I didn’t know how to answer.

What do I do? Where are you from? Where do you live?

For the most part, people don’t know what life coaching is. I can add in the word “professional” and they still don’t get what I’m doing or what my business means. Which means a long explanation and I’m not sure what to say about what part of what I do.

I started my own small business, an LLC called, “Jenilee Rachel Coaching.” But what does that mean?

I could say I’m a pastor. I am ordained with 20+ years of ministry experience, but I’m not on staff anywhere so that doesn’t seem right.

I’m not a global worker anymore but my experiences overseas have shaped me so deeply that I still feel I’m in that space as I walk through challenges with other overseas women around the world. I love, love that part of what I do.

I’m in my 40s and live in my parent’s basement after a monstrous life and work transition. {I LOVE my little bubble of living space. Not complaining at all but it always brings up more questions.}

I love all things social media, branding and marketing so I coach and sell a course about that.

I sell Modere, a supplement line of liquid collagen and it’s amazing.

I’ve been on a health journey for 15 years and all of that learning has me in the health coaching space.

As an enneagram 6w5, I’m really good at problem solving, goal setting, fact finding and getting all the things done. I love growth, personal development and discipleship. I help people with that, online and in real life.

All while trying to transition from one life to another and somehow make an income. The income part of all of this is, to be completely honest, is pretty important. #alltheemojifaces

whew!

I want to say, “I’m a mom/life coach/pastor/neurodiversity understander/life helper/content creator/health fanatic/overseas worker-ish/problem solver/a little bit of experience in everything” person!

Say that 5x fast!

In my frustration to answer with all the answers, this post came to be.

I was reading Brene Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection” and she said, “What do you do? I used to wince every time someone asked me this question. I felt like my choices were to reduce myself to an easily digestible sound bite or to confuse the h-ll out of people. Now my answer to “what do you do?” is, “how much time do you have?”

How much time do you have?

In reading that, I took a full breath in for the first time in a long time.

I don’t want to reduce myself anymore.

I don’t want to be a short sound bite.

I don’t want to confuse people with a long-but-short answer, perfectly crafted for that situation.

I don’t want to have to think so hard about the answers!

I want to fully answer with all the crazy, beautiful, complicated words that make up me. Jenilee. And, I want to share it with those who take the time to listen, hear, and hold the story.

According to Brene, MOST of us have complicated answers!

She said, “All of these things make up who I am… and to be honest with you, I’m tired of choosing to make that easier on the person who asked.”

Mic drop. I felt that deep in my soul.

She called the description of self, with all the slashes, the slash effect.

She also called out the self-doubt that comes with not knowing how to make the answer good for the person who asked the question. She said, “Overcoming self-doubt is all about believing we’re enough and letting go of what the world says we’re supposed to be and supposed to call ourselves.”

For me, coming out of some pretty rigid and confined rules, descriptions, and parts to play {online and in-real-life}… this has been so freeing to read and process.

Breaking out of traditions that squash sense-of-self, create self-doubt, have built-in judgement, and reject God-given life and individuality has made answering the complicated questions so extra complicated.

I’ve come alive, through a whole lot of reading, counseling, coaching, and hours spent with my Bible and Jesus.

Brene says, “What the world needs is people who have come alive.”

People who are living their full life, walking in their full identity in Christ, knowing who they are, and knowing who they’re not.

The world needs me to come alive.

The world needs you to come alive.

With all the slashes and descriptions and words that you want to use.

Don’t reduce it, condense it, shorten it or pretend you aren’t all those things.

Stop making it easier for people or figure out how not to be confusing.

Real life is hard and confusing!

Real people are struggling and walking through crazy confusing things.

Embrace the slash effect.

When someone asks hard questions, say, “How much time do you have?

As I write more in this space, you’ll hear more parts of the story.

But for now, how much time do you have?

And for you, I have all the time in the world.

I’d love to hear your full story.

Share away!